2011 Mel
I wrote everything down until 2016. I have a few pages here and there with notes and dates, but for the most part, I lost my love for writing when I became a paid blogger around that time.
Unfortunately, all of my past blogging work was digital and I really wish it hadn’t been. I had saved everything on the hard drive of my PC and losing my work is totally a story for another day (my house exploded in a freak propane leak accident and the computer was nearby and destroyed—can’t wait to share that one.)
Maybe it’s all part of the plans people say are meant to be. But in a world where social media content creation is gold; I only wish I had some of it to recycle and make in to content…
I did keep most of my paper journals. Well, I kept a lot of paper—notes from friends, the first note a boyfriend ever gave me, scribbling thoughts I thought were profound, incorrectly attributed quotes….but most importantly; dated journals for me to pass down to my kids. Whenever I read them I feel like I was living an entirely different life and can’t piece together who I was and who I am meant to be.
This entry hit home. It’s the first bit of writing I can find where I’m trying to find reasons to move back here to the Valley and I’m talking about sustainability or eco-friendly living; yet I don’t really know what words to use to explain it. I think this entry might be the point in my life where I decide to take control of my rate of consumption and become aware that this can’t be all there is to life. Honestly, it was a little sad to read too. I remember my schedule: wake up at 5-shower, eat breakfast, make breakfast for the kids, pack their lunches, get them up and ready and fed, check my e-mails for any scheduling changes, get them to daycare by 6:45am, catch the metro by 7:15, arrive at Georgetown by 8:15, unload my belongings and lunch and be at patient advocacy by 8:30, take my first appointment between 8:45-9.
Not only all that…I often worked my 9-5 hopping between Georgetown and Shady Grove Hospital, Johns Hopkins…..FEMA, OPM, DOD, Pentagon, DOJ…it was exhausting to not really know where you were going to be until the morning of.
And then when I left work at 5pm— it was another hour or hour and a half before I got home to get my car to get the kids. It would be around 6:30 or 7 when I finally saw my kids. They would be in bed by 9. I would then have from 9pm-12pm to clean up, prep more food and breathe….it was not sustainable or happy to have a bunch of money and things but not be truly living life.
May 18, 2011
We are saving $70 per week by shopping at the farmer’s market and Mom’s Organic. We saved $150 this week by me cooking everything. It’s too hard not getting sleep but There could be justification in moving back home [ Harrisonburg ] in the next few years if I can keep cutting costs. I miss the mountains. $300/ week is still [my ex-husband’s name] budget for his lunch and happy hours. If I woke up at 4:50 I could give myself 10 extra minutes to make his lunch too before getting the kids ready and catching the metro. If my paychecks are $4030 per month but childcare is $2300, commute is $276, clothing/shoes $400/month, the Audi is $600/month and all the little things at Target for the kids are usually around $300/month too…It would seem that I’m almost spending my entire paycheck on frivolous things and for someone else to raise my children. He is able to hold up the rest of the fort so could I could save even more by continuing to learn how to meal prep and teaching the children to also help wash, clean, cook, organize? I’m going to learn how to fix this. Money is made up and they say time is money. Why do I need these things? I’m feeling anxious today about continuing to raise the children in an urban area where everything is centered around money and people’s perceptions of us…our clothes, our shoes, hosting dinners and the constantly having to suppress my need to slow down. I did love this but I wonder if deep down this place and this lifestyle are what I’m supposed to be doing. It doesn’t seem like a good example of actually living life. It feels like I’m working to show off in some fake world where every one cares about your purse and that your nails are perfectly manicured. What about the food we eat and the fact that we might not know the effects of fast-paced wastefullness for another 20 or 30 years. There is that video I watched Forks over Knives. I think it changed something in my brain. The food doesn’t make sense. The money…the money is just wasted and there will be nothing to show for it. It doesn’t feel safe anymore. I need to drink water that isn’t in a plastic bottle. I don’t think he’ll ever want this to change. I don’t feel good wasting things and money and time anymore. I need to take care of myself and the kids. We can’t ingest these made-up ingredients and continue to surround ourselves with useless stuff. I want them to live.
I read this and take away a few key things:
Forks Over Knives came out in May of 2011 just a short time before I wrote this. I think it made me question so much and struggle to justify the running around and eating out and pre-packaged. By buying in bulk and choosing seasonal produce for just a week or so, I did notice substantial savings and then broke down the rest of my expenses and realized none of it made sense.
“I’m almost spending my entire paycheck on frivolous things and for someone else to raise my children” — Little did I know then what I know now about capitalism and the fact that we are literally raised to work 9-5. We are taught to tolerate sitting in one place all day so that when we grow up and work for some one, we understand to be tolerant and respectful and quiet. “Frivolous things” are essential for showing that you are successful and powerful.
“constantly having to suppress my need to slow down”— oof…so suppressing emotions isn’t something new for me nor is needing to slow down.
“what about the food we eat and the fact that we might not know the effects of fast-paced wastefulness for another 20 or 30 years” Sustainability 101 was creeping in my brain—2011 Mel would probably be so proud that I’ve opened a shop and lifestyle brand that is dedicated to sharing and promoting living slower. She would probably also cry tears of joy knowing I was able to stop feeding my kids the prepackaged and processed stuff so often and created a life where she could scratch-make it all.
Obviously, I’m sharing this for a reason. It’s not just that I want you to feel normal about writing really horribly in journals but also questioning everything (lol). Living in an area with a lot of disposable income allowed me to indulge in designer clothing and luxury items. Looking back, I realize how much time and money I wasted on possessions that offered fleeting satisfaction. The thrill of designer shoes and purses does not compare to the fulfillment of a well-planned meal, time with your family and call it whatever you want- crunchy living, scrunchy living, eco-friendly, zero waste, low waste, sustainable—-it’s all the same. It’s living a life of intention where time and your health is more valuable than anything.
Now don’t get me wrong if you’re reading this and you do want all the designer things…you should do what makes you happy. But just remember that it’s all temporary and our health, physical and mental, is worth more than any brand name on a bag.
By making the deliberate choice to adopt sustainable practices, you may find money you can dedicate to travels, education, and creating lasting memories—an investment in our future that far outweighs the temporary pleasures of consumerism. If you think about it- a $300 monthly savings—an annual total of $3,600 can be redirected to savings or more meaningful experiences. Heck, you can go camping about 20 times a year for that.
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I hope you all enjoyed this first personal post on this new and improved website and do like when I promote sustainable living via personal experience. Great.full Goods is an awesome shop with a lot of amazing things that can still give you the good feelings that shopping and consumerism can give; but without supporting big corporations that don’t care at all about your health. If you have a local shop like ours nearby—I urge you to please visit it and get the practical goods, self-care items and gifts you need there. In example: I can get almost everything our family of 6 needs at 6 locations locally in Harrisonburg:
Great.full Goods
Woods Edge Market
Harrisonburg Farmer’s Market
Friendly City Food Co-op
Oriental Market
& Local Thrift stores
Drink water and Breathe,
Mel
